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Creating a Wedding Guest ListOne of the first things that every newly-engaged couple will need to do is to create a Guest List. Obviously, close friends and immediate family are usually the first to make the A-List. However, many other questions and considerations typically arise, making the final guest list something of a mystery. Here are some factors to think about when drawing up your guest list.
Comfort Level: Budget, location, and family expectations aside, how large of a group will the two of you be most comfortable with? What would be most meaningful to you both? Are you comfortable with having children at the wedding and reception? If you·re both wildly extroverted, you will probably want to include everyone, their brother, and third cousin twice removed. Introverts will want only close friends and family. However, most couples fall somewhere in the middle. And often, one is extroverted and the other more introverted. Discuss your comfort level openly with each other before considering any other factors.
Tip: It is better to scale your party down than to let it snowball into something that no one is comfortable with personally or financially. This is your wedding day; don·t agree to something that will make you grit your teeth all day and beyond.
Location: Next, consider your ideal wedding location. Is it a Destination Wedding location, such as a beautiful Caribbean resort? Or perhaps you·d prefer a wedding in a National Park somewhere? Maybe the most meaningful place would be in your own back yard. Wherever you choose, bear in mind the capacity of your ceremony and reception location.
Tip: If you·re getting married outdoors, always have a backup location in case of bad weather. Make sure the alternate location can accommodate the entire party comfortably.
Budget: Every wedding has a budget to consider as well. The reception is typically the most expensive component of a wedding. Once you·ve visited a few venues, draw up a budget for your reception. Vendors often quote you the base price, that is, the price per plate without taxes, fees, and tips. Be sure to include 18-20% for gratuities, and ask about any other service fees that might affect the total cost of the reception. Then, figure out the true cost per person.
Tip: Consider a brunch reception. The cost is often significantly less than a traditional sit-down dinner reception. You can always throw in an optional, casual group evening activity (bowling, dancing, etc.) that each guest will pay for on their own. This is also a fun way to include those who may not have been invited to the wedding.
Obligation: Finally, give honest consideration to the expectations of your families. Some family members are quite vocal about how they feel your wedding should be. Others may drop a few hints along the way. Oftentimes, though, it is the couple who feel pressure where none may actually exist. Be honest with yourselves about your expectations and the true expectations of your family. Remember, on your wedding day, you don·t owe anything to anyone except each other.
If some family members are helping out financially, they may feel entitled to have more say in how the wedding plans develop. If you·re both comfortable with that, there·s no problem. But, if you·re starting to feel as if your event is for sale to the highest contributor, it·s time to sit back as a couple and have an honest discussion about your own wants and needs. This is a fine opportunity for the two of you to develop clear and honest communication about a very important topic that will come up throughout your marriage: money.
Tip: Again, we advocate integrity over compromise. A wedding should be the couple·s creation and true expression of their love for one another, and monetary gifts should be just that · gifts, with no strings attached. If a family member is putting the pressure on, she or he probably just wants to feel more included. Think of creative ways to divert your more hands-on guests, then meet them in a neutral location (such as a restaurant) for a heart-to-heart about your ideas. If you start to feel as if you·re defending yourself, stop the conversation politely and revisit it later.
Empathy: Have you ever been an unwilling guest at a wedding? Or have you ever attended a wedding that felt more like taking a bath in a tubful of scissors rather than a joyful celebration of a couple·s love and commitment? In all seriousness, try putting yourself in your guests· shoes. Invite those who you know will add to your joy, as you will add to theirs by sharing your very special day with them. Choose wisely, and with integrity - just as you·ve chosen each other · and your day will create beautiful memories for everyone.
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jbesnette
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Ms. Besnette holds a Masters degree in Counseling and was married in 2004 at Arches National Park in Moab, Utah.
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